First and foremost I want to begin this by saying that I am not a Marvel Fangirl. I do not associate the actors to the Norse Gods. I am a Pagan and I suppose you could say that I am a polytheist. I see the Gods as very real individuals, who are just as real as you and me, and not as metaphors or aspects of one great God or Goddess. believe in many different dimensions and realms, and I believe that this is where many of the Gods and Goddesses reside. I have been into stories of Thor and Norse Mythology since I was a young girl. I remember it would be in the Summer in the 90's and we didn't have air conditioning when I was little. So when it thunder stormed we would go outside and enjoy the rain as long as the lightling wasn't streaking too dangerously. It was a lot of fun, and I remember the tales of Thor storming accross the sky with his chariot, goats, and hammer. I remember hearing tales of the rainbow leading to a fantasy realm. I believed in elves, fairies, and magic. I saw all of this as real, and I still do. In adulthood I began to research more and more into Norse Mythology, and I realized by connection to Loki. I realized I had visitations from him when I was young.
I remember being about 3 years old and I was going to a celebration at my older brother's school for a group he was in called Future. I remember seeing a man and a female who looked very different from the 80's fashion styles at the time. The female was to the right of the man and was slightly shorter then the man. She had a darker brownish red colored hair, and the male had black hair that was long and neatly combed. The male stared at me with the biggest brightest smile. I went to walk over to him because he was so welcoming in energy. My mother yelled at me for walking away from her. She asked me who I was walking to. I realized that she didn't see them. I remember saying that I was walking to the man, and she said there was nobody there and to not try to walk away again or I might get lost. I still wanted to walk up to the man, but he waved his hand as if to say no, stay with your mother. So I obeyed. I now realize who that person was. It was the mischevious Loki coming in to say hello.
I also remember another time when I was about 3 or 4 years old. It was the day I first saw a rainbow. It was a very large and bright double rainbow, and my mom called me outside to see it. She explained to me the story of the rainbow, and how there are tales of the end of the rainbow being connected to a magical mystical land. I saw a face in the sky that day. It was the face of what I now interpret as Thor. I feel very blessed to have these experiences, and these are just two experiences of times when I felt their presence or saw them. It was a great feeling to finally understand those moments when I first began to really embrace my Pagan path.
So I suppose techniqually you could label me a Godspouse of both Loki and Thor. But I don't like the label of something that is so one sided. I don't see myself as a spouse of a God necessarily. I see myself as having a deep intimate connection with Loki and Thor. I deeply connect with many other Gods and Goddesses as well. But it is to Loki and Thor who hold my heart. I have made my own connections to Loki and Thor to the Greek Pantheon. I often wonder if all the Gods and Goddesses can be matched up that way. I won't go into those connections I've made just yet on here. I don't feel now is the time to release that, as I still feel it is something I haven't got all the information about for myself yet. I also do not call Thor by the name of Thor. I call him by a name that I personally know him as, and it's a name that bonds he and I together through an experience a long time ago on earth. If other's are reading this right now, you may not believe me... But that's okay because I know it's true from within my soul. I do refer to Loki as Loke. He has shared with me other names he goes by, but I do prefer the term Loki or Loke. I feel it's partially because of my own name. Melody, take away the Me and leave just the Lody. It sounds very simular to Loki, and I like that. I feel like a best frend connection with Loki for so long. It has only been recently when I have feel a stronger romantic bond with him. By romantic I don't mean sex really, even though that has come up. (I feel nervous about sharing this, but I am going to proceed.) It is about the connection that two souls share, and physical sex doesn't have to be a part of that. It's kind of like when you stare into the eyes of a lover or a partner and just know that you both have a soul bond that goes deeper then flesh and bone. It penetrates the soul, and is a link that forever bonds the two. That's what I feel with Loki, and it's a beautiful feeling to have such a connection with another soul. I call them souls, because they are souls, just like us. It just so happens that they have a higher ranking in a way. So I honor that.
When it comes to Thor I feel the most powerful sense of wonder, lust, enjoyment, happiness, and pure fascination when I connect with him. When I see him in dreams and astral travels I feel so deeply impacted by the gaze from his eyes. In the eddas it says that Thor has fierce of fiery eyes. That's so true, because his eyes stab you with wonder. They penetrate your soul with mystery and call out to you. When he looks at you, it's like you're looking into the depth of a blazing star that is brightly shining and so amazingly beautiful. It's powerful with strength and you feel it with every sense of your being. That's what I feel when I connect with Thor. Like I said, you could count me as a Godspouse, but I do not personally define myself as a Godspouse. I take my relationships with the Gods and Goddesses that I honor very seriously.
Just the other day I was connecting with Thor in my spirit journal. My spirit journal is a journal I have where I write out messages to the spirit realm entities I connect with, such as my spirit guides, the Gods and Goddesses, etc. I also channel messages and log them in there. So I have been led by Thor lately to come to terms with my own opinion of marriage. I feel like I dislike marriage because of my parents marriage. They're married still, but might as well not be. In all of my years here on earth so far I have never saw them me loving to one another. They both have their own reasons and their own faults, but it's something that I feel negative about. When I think of marriage I think of their relationship, and I feel as though I don't want any parts of marriage because of that. I think that's a main reason why I don't want to define myself as a spouse, I don't even like to refer to my life partner, my husband, as a spouse. Techniqually we are not married, but we have been together for over 10 years. We both consider one another as a spouse, and I call him my husband and he calls me his wife. But the actual marriage hasn't happened, and I never wanted a marriage when I was growing up. I certainly didn't want a big wedding. I thought if anything I would elope or something like that. But I realize my reluctance to go get that marriage paper with my husband is because of my negative attachments to the idea of marriage. This has also hindered my deep connection with Thor. Now in recent years with my bonding to Loki, it's also hard. I've told him that I would rather us remain as best friends and perhaps talk about the idea of a deeper bond later. I feel like Thor and my husband Dwayne is enough for now. But I know he wants that deeper bond. I feel it everytime I connect with him, whether it's in my spirit journal, dreams, astral travels, etc. I feel it, and I feel I owe it to myself to figure out how to take away that negative attachment to the label of marriage. I like the idea of being bonded with another soul. I like the idea of life long bondings and partnerships. But it's when the term marriage comes in when I begin to cringe. So I thank Thor for helping me to realize that I have this negative attachment to marriage. I have discussed with my mother about why she's so negative, and it led to intense arguments, most of which has now passed. I know my dad's side. I know why their marriage didn't work. They got married young and for the wrong reasons, but were both too poor to really seperate. My mother has deep emotional issues when it comes to depression. My dad has his own issues, and also Bi-Polar. No I didn't grow up in an abusive childhood, but my dad cussed and yelled all the time. To this day I still dislike the fuck out of aggression and confrontation. But I have got better with dealing with that also thanks to Loki, Thor, and Dwayne my life partner-husband.
So this post has turned into my own life issues, but I wanted to include that because that's how deeply bonded I feel with Thor and Loki. They help me out in so many ways, and to me that is intimacy. That is romance. That is love. That is marriage. Being best friends with someone and feeling that deep soul bond. It's not about sex. You can fuck whoever you want, sex isn't even in this for me... even though it has come up and it's a nice thing to experience. But to me marriage and being a spouse, even a Godspouse... it's about being best friends and deeply knowing that other person. It's about partnership and an eternal bonding. What do you think? Leave a comment below, and don't forget to subscribe to this blog using the side panel tab to the right of the page. If you don't see the side panel tab then you're probably viewing this blog on a mobile device. Scroll all the way down to the bottom of the page and click to view the website as the desktop version. Then you'll see the side panel to subscribe to this blog.